Tag Archives: Makeup

Don’t Mess With My Mouth

I’m in NYC for a few days, and finally decided that if anyone was going to teach me about makeup, it was going to be Sephora,  My favorite lipstick, which I never wear because it’s pretty intense, came from Sephora, a present to myself for my first publication sale to some nerd magazine about chem-free college dorm life (Oneida 4 A-L REPRESENT!) and I am finally able to afford maybe one little treat for myself.

I went into the store at Union Square and was immediately terrified.  Too much color.  Can I wear green eyeliner or will I look like a bad drag queen? (not an awesome one like Miss Uschi)  What do I do with THAT cream?  OH GOD HOW MUCH STUFF DO I HAVE TO PUT ON MY FACE?  Moisturizers, primers, glitter, bronzer . . . I almost had a panic attack standing in front of the Urban Decay stand.

Luckily, Desiree, who was wearing insane purple glitter eye shadow and rich dark red lipstick came to my rescue.  “You’re beautiful, and I’m going to tell you straight because you’re putting your trust in me,” she said in a thick, sassy accent  She even sat me down and dusted my face with Bare Minerals primer powder, smeared some bronzer on me and turned me loose in the mirror.

I could not believe what I saw.  I was beautiful.  I was a knock-out.  I looked like a doll.  My skin was even, flawless, perfect.  Wow.

I didn’t buy the primer.  Not at $27, but she packed a sample up for me and I’ll try to find a similar one back home.  But she showed me this awesome Moxie lipgloss which satisfied my desire to look like a dame while not leaving thick smears of dark red lipstick all over my coffee cups, and I picked up an electric blue eyeliner pencil because HECK YEAH.

I will probably never be a heavily made-up dame.  Desiree was cool with that.  She didn’t try to dump a bunch of products I would never use.  She showed me some tools for beauty and, better still, taught me that I had the power to use them.  And damn if that lipgloss doesn’t bring out my big wet smacker (easily my best feature)

Kiss & Make Up: Part II

Last night I tried Arlene’s suggestion that I wear pale lipstick to bed.  Now lipstick and I have never gotten along.  Within mere moments of me putting it on, I look like Courtney Love.  I’ve tried Wet ‘n’ Wild, Sephora, Victoria’s Secret (the worst, by far) and nothing, nothing stays on my lips.

I wore a little pink lipstick to bed, and was fully prepared for Ian, who came in after I was asleep, to wake up next to me screaming. But surprisingly, I did not wake up looking like the Joker.  It must have all come off on my pillow, which since I have dark red pillowcases, is just fine.  Because there’s nothing worse than waking up to a screaming husband who thinks you have mutated/OD’d.

Kiss and Make-Up

“I’m all for wearing a few touches of make-up to bed.”  Arlene Dahl, Always Ask a Man.

I barely wear makeup in the daytime, let alone at night.  I never really learned how to put makeup on, (which is something I’ll learn later in this adventure) so it’s always more fuss than it’s worth-my lipstick vanishes, my eyeliner smears and my mascara just makes me look scary.  

But last night I tried Arlene’s tip; with a little blue eyeliner, a little pink sparkly shadow and some black mascara.  Ian looked at me funny when I came out of the bathroom, and I was sure that by the end of the night, I would look like I just got roughed up at a metal concert.

To my surprise, not a whole lot of it was left when I got up.  There was a little hint of eyeshadow and a faint sparkle of eyeliner, but of course, I’m supposed to get up and be ready before Ian even opens his eyes, so I’d have time to redo all of it.

I didn’t, of course, and am now rocking this awesome “partied all night” look, which is, personally, how I kind of dig my makeup anyways.

Happy New Year!

It is important to be fresh and attractive in the morning as it is at bedtime–even if it means you have to get up 10 minutes earlier to wash your face, put on a little makeup, brush your hair and slip into a gay housecoat.”  Arlene Dahl, Always Ask a Man.

Up at 8a.m. from a dream that Ian bought us a really nice little house.  I don’t think he wanted me to go, but today’s the first day of my new, glam life!

Not sure what a “gay housecoat” is and too afraid to google it.  I hope my red kimono will suffice and not send Ian into the arms of his secretary.  If he had a secretary, I’m sure he would run to her now.  With my blue fleece “cozy” pajama pants, my tie-dyed fleece socks and my red wool “JOIKE” sweater (from MST3K Santa Claus) I look like a hungover clown.  Time for makeup!

Does having makeup on from the night before count?  The hot pink eye shadow I wore to cover the New Year’s Gala refuses to budge.  Two face-washings later, I can finally smudge on some eyeshadow.  I try out a few new ways of combing my hair, but within moments, it has fallen like Fort Sumter in the same slightly-right part. At least it’s combed.

I’m already wearing lots of red, so I try to find a lipstick that’s a little more neutral.  In my train case I find a copper lipstick I wore when I was going through my weird, androgynous Brooklyn phase, where my style icons were Tom Waits and Benicio del Toro in Sin City–lots of ugly button-down shirts, suit jackets and off-putting cosmetics.  Arlene would not approve.

The lipstick backfires the neutral test.  Two tissues later it’s left a faint, pretty trace.  I slap some gloss on it and declare victory.

Ian is still asleep, so I decide to tidy up so he wakes up to a pleasant household (except for my housecoat).  By 8:36 I have lit the furnace, finished the dishes, swept the kitchen and dining room, folded the clothes he left on the chair the night before and put away some stray things.  I feel a surprising sense of accomplishment.

When Ian does wake up, he doesn’t really seem to notice except to snicker at my kimono.