Today some shitty crime writer made a comment on Twitter about wanting Boyd Crowder’s wardrobe, to which I responded that I, too, would like jeans that fit as well as his do. “Those jeans do wonders for his round, bouncy ass,” I wrote, feeling fun.
It’s scientific proof that Walton Goggins has a beautiful backside. The costume designers from The Shield and Justified wouldn’t keep cramming him into those skinny jeans if he didn’t. Red Dirt, which is admittedly a terrible movie, devoted several minutes to making sure we saw him showering. The first comment on his January 31, 2012 AV Club Interview is about his butt.
Oh yeah. It’s good.
But like some ape out of one of my project books who thinks he’s Don fucking Draper, replied “Okay, settle down there.”
I will not “settle down,” and I sure as fuck won’t be talked to like a child who’s had a few too many Cadbury Eggs and is jumping up and down in front of your boss. If any of his other asshole friends had made some comment about Ava’s (admittedly nice) buttcheeks, they’d all be having twitter high-fives.
It comes down to this: women aren’t ALLOWED to have feelings of wanton lust, and they sure as fuck aren’t allowed to express them publicly. That would be OUT OF LINE. That might make a guy FEEL BAD ABOUT HIMSELF. Because women have to be pure and only save themselves for one Big Strong Man. Women never watch a TV show (or see a movie) they hate just to stare at an actor’s round bouncy backside. Because that would be SLUTTY. That would be IMPURE, and we WOULDN’T WANT THAT. If women are allowed to talk about sex, then they might not want to know how to please their boyfriends. And we all know that’s the only reason God put woman on this earth.
Fuck. You. I may be pretty, and I may be sweet for the sake of this project, but sorry Arlene, I’m not going to let some ebook writing douchewad tell me to shut my mouth because he doesn’t like what came out.
PS: This guy wrote (and published!) a story where he got to have sex with me. Real classy asshole.