Tag Archives: Buzzfeed

Keep It Spooky, Stupid

“If the sweater and the skirt are that tight, a man figures that you are distressed merchandise” Helen Gurley Brown, Sex and the Single Girl

I love Halloween.  It’s my favorite holiday, followed by Independence Day (where we play Fizzball & watch Independence Day) and then Christmas.  Ian always makes us great, award-winning couples Halloween costumes–we’re two of Buzzfeed’s 25 Best-Ever Costumes (The Maitlands and Alien & Ripley)–and this year, well, you’ll just have to wait and see.

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Hi. I’m Completely Boring.

But ladies, LADIES, the “Sexy NOUN” costumes have GOT to stop.  I don’t mean to be harsh, but you all look like idiots.  There is no such thing as “Sexy Beetlejuice.”  Corn is never going to be “Sexy.”  You might as well just announce, “Hi, I’m dressed up as Daddy Issues,” when you cram yourself into a Sexy Chewbacca costume.

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How You Doin’, Baby?

There’s nothing wrong with being attractive or flaunting what you’ve got (unless you don’t have it, which seems to be the trend among girls who pick up a “Sexy” Halloween costume at whatever sad Spirit store popped up in the abandoned JCPenny’s near their college).  But for Heaven’s sake, have a little class and creativity.  Nobody think you’re hot.  Do guys hoot and holler when you do that little finger-to-the-duckface pose?  Yes.  But those type of guys would hoot and holler at a lamp if someone put a lacy bra on it and anyways, they’re probably bad in bed, which is why hey have to go to bars and pick up sorority girls dressed like Slutty Cinderella.

And before all you fake-feminist tramps start accusing me of being a “hater” and “slut shaming” (oh grow up) I’m not against costumes that happen to be sexy.  If you want to dress like Lara Croft or Bettie Page, rock on.  Just put some effort into it–the kind that doesn’t come in a plastic bag for $49.99.

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How To Say “Thank You”

I was weirdly offended by this Buzzfeed post this morning.  For those of you too lazy to follow the link, it’s basically about how men have no right to ever call you pretty and you should shoot them in the face if they dare to approach you.

Okay, it’s a little more in depth than that (although one comic does show a woman shooting a guy’s head off, which, if the roles were reversed, would cause a screaming uproar.  But the gist of it is that no one, not even the president, is allowed to compliment you on your looks.  

This is the kind of thing I’d expect from Jezebel.com, in between them praising Cat Marnell as a beacon of feminism and gossiping about Kim Kardashian as a giant slut.

Here’s the thing.  Strangers can’t see your brain.  They can’t read your thesis or see that math problem you’re working in,  You obviously put work into your awesome outfit, and it’s pleasing people, which is nice, because that means you’re a work of art.  People compliment things they enjoy.  They say, “Hey, that was a good movie,” or “hey, I really liked that song,” or “Hey, that meal was delicious.”

So if someone says, “You look pretty,” how about saying, “Hey, thanks,” and moving on with your daily life? 

I had a guy once tell me I looked like I stepped out of a movie because I did.  I’d put a lot of effort into my outfit, this rad vintage dress and little red socks and a headband.  I was glad someone noticed.  I thought it was sweet and told him so.  Then I went to my bus seat and put in my headphones.  That was the end of it.  I didn’t owe him a conversation, so I didn’t give him one and he didn’t pursue it further.  But I also didn’t make a federal case out of it because it wasn’t worth the aggravation.  I like being told I’m pretty, because I know the people who know I’m smart will tell me so.  (Also, I don’t need anyone else’s validation.)

I’m not saying you should respond sweetly to every scumbag who tells you he’d fuck you (because seriously, that’s rude), but how much damage does it do if some guy passing says, “Hey, you look nice today.”  Would it kill you, would you actually wither up and die if you said, “Thank you” and kept walking?  My guess is no.

(The “smile, beautiful” thing does warrant a punch in the face, though, because that’s invasive. That’s a command, not a compliment.)

You don’t owe anybody a date.  You don’t owe anybody a conversation.  But here’s a hint, girls.  Not everyone in the world wants to bone you.  Sometimes, a compliment is just a compliment, meant to bring a little sunshine into a day packed with work and obligations.  And if you don’t want to take a compliment, don’t, but then don’t sit there and complain that everyone is a jerk and no one is polite anymore.  Maybe, just maybe, a more polite world starts with you.  You don’t have to blow every guy who compliments you.  You don’t owe harassers a smile.  But try saying “thanks,” once in awhile.  You might find your world is a little friendlier and maybe you’ll realize that the whole world isn’t out to sexually harass you.

And hey, would it kill you to compliment someone else?  Tell a stranger you like their shoes or their bag or their kicky fedora.  Just kidding, no one likes fedoras.