“They just want to know where they can get that color.  Even the dyes are simple enough to do at home” Helen Gurley Brown, Sex and the Single Girl.

Oh yes, dying your hair is very, very easy.  You combine the components into a mixture that smells like cat pee and rotten fruit, slather it on your hair, watch an episode of 30 Rock and then rinse out.  Microwave popcorn is harder than dying your hair.

It’s very easy.  It just doesn’t work.  Maybe if you’re some delicate fair-haired blonde, sure.  But not for a staunch brunette like me.  The first one all but vanished before I could even get pictures up.  So I tried it again with a brighter red, and, well, that didn’t go so well either.

For starters, Red #2 ran down my forehead into the shape of an upside-down cross. The mark of Satan should have been my first clue that this wasn’t going to turn out well.  

The second clue should have been the Shield-esq crime scene left behind by the red dye.  Seriously, the end result of the season five finale, “Postpartum,” was cleaner than my bathtub during the rinse, and that ended with a dead body.  

And yes, my hair has a pretty red sheen in the right light, like, in my bathroom and nowhere else.  If anything, it made my hair a little darker.  It doesn’t even show up in photographs, which is why I haven’t posted any.  

HGB is always talking about how you can be cheap cheap cheap.  Like a little chick, she is, cheep cheep cheep.  If you want real haircolor results, just pay the $50 and get it done by a professional.  Or buy a wig.  If money is tight, learn to be happy with the color you have.  I’m not a wealthy woman.  I’m very DIY, but there are some things that are better left to people who have lots of training to know what they’re doing.  Hair color, in my case, might just be one of them.  After all, I buy my meat from the grocery store instead of butchering my own farm animals and I buy my sweaters instead of knitting them myself. 

So I tried, and I failed miserably.  I can live with that.  That’s what this blog is about.  And HGB, well, she knows where she can stick all that money she’s saved.