Generally this blog is about what a woman can do to make her man happy, but today, I’d like to talk about things guys can do to make their women want to make them happy and not laugh in their faces.
Do NOT dye your hair a stupid candy color.
There are some guys who can get away with this. Guys who wear Doc Martens and are in punk bands and have mohawks. Guys who . . . yeah, no, that’s the only kind.
My e-boyfriend Aaron surprised me one night by coming home from college and showing up at my door . . . with blue hair. Now Aaron was a perfectly nice person, a Star Wars nerd, a mama’s boy and the textbook definition of a square. He also had a crew cut and now appeared to be wearing the skin of a cheap stuffed animal sculpted around his skull. It was not a good or appropriate look for his personality type. Or anyone’s, really.
He did this because of anime. I don’t remember ever seeing an anime starring a skinny, nebbish hero with a tie-dyed Star Wars tee-shirt purchased from the Star Wars Insider in 1996, before Star Wars was cool again, and anyway, I was into anime before everyone was into it and Aaron used to openly mock me for watching “porn cartoons,” but now he was on my porch acting like the messiah of Japanese cartoons and I should be all grateful that he welcomed me into this wonderful world of geekdom.
I, sputtering to try and figure out a reason not to run inside and slam the door, told him he looked like James from Pokemon. He didn’t. James was kind of hot (for a cartoon character) and Aaron was a dork in an X-Wing tee-shirt, now sporting hideous candy-vomit hair.
He did not take this as a compliment. In fact, it sort of pissed him off, because he didn’t like James, but let’s face it, he should have seen that coming. And either way, it would have been an improvement over the ‘do he was currently sporting.
In a moment of true devotion to my relationship, I did not slam the door in his face. I smiled politely and was seen out in public with him without visibly cringing, because I am an awesome actress. And to his benefit, it was just temporary, and soon he went back to being the shy, quiet geek I knew and loved.
Just kidding. He kept it for a few weeks and then dyed it bright red like another anime character. It wasn’t an improvement.
And yes, I almost married this guy. But that’s another story for another snowy day.